I'm seriously at the end of my rope with Home Depot. Okay, and, like, I've only worked there for less than a month. That's how sad this is. I mean, it's not surprising that I'm quitting another job, because, well, this is me we're talking about. The girl who can't hold down a job. And my mom is gonna be sooo pissed off at me and call me a failure or some shit like that. Whatever. Who even cares what she thinks?

It's my life. So why should I stay in a job that I already can't stand to go to. You know, it's kinda sad. Because I like a lot of the people there, but it's just not enough incentive to keep this fucking job. Because it sucks.

Because, you know what? I didn't fucking sign on at Home Depot to be belittled by customers or yelled at by them. Like I know that customer's are bastards. They just are. But even at Esso, they weren't this bad. Every fucking person who walks into Home Depot just assumes that the people who work there are there to kiss their asses and hold their hands through everything. And I get yelled at for not knowing where anything is. Well that's not my fucking fault that nobody ever gave me a detailed list of EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PRODUCT THAT WE CARRY IN THE DAMN STORE! It's impossible for me to know this shit. I just fucking started working there and already customer's have made me cry. Like, it took the worst kind of customer to do that at Esso, and I had some real douchebags there. But at Home Depot, everyone is an asshole. An asshole who treats the cashiers like shit. And the other employees suck too. Like, if you're not in their clique, they don't talk to you. Same with the fact that most of the guys only talk to the other guys. And, of course, one of the only guys I didn't actually mind, got fired. And he didn't even deserve it. He fucking hurt his shoulder so he's on painkillers and in and out of the hospital and he still showed up to work. And I was talking with him in the lunchroom like ten minutes before one of the managers fired him for being lazy and not getting his work done for the past two days. And that's just fucking shitty.

I have to get a new job at Wal-Mart. And I know it'll probably suck just as much as Home Depot, but whatever. I need out of Home Depot: The place where they crush their employees hopes and yell at them for insane reasons.

Like, I was standing in front of my till, because you can't stand at your till for some reason, and I had my hands in my pockets and the head cashier comes up to me and starts lecturing me about how I can't keep my hands there. Because it's unprofessional. And I get that. Yeah, I totally do, cuz, you know, when I see someone with their hands in their pockets, the first fucking thing I think of is: Unprofessionalism. NOT!

Oh, and don't even get me started on the assholes who come through my till and yell at me because the fucking register shows a price that isn't the same on in the flyer. God forbid there's no way for me to ring up an item or all fucking hell breaks loose. Jesus, I hate my job.

And what was all this bullshit in Orientation about how you can work the hours you want and that Home Depot cares about its associates VERY much. Yeah fucking right. I told them I didn't want to work nights. I said I want mornings. And what do I have on the schedule: Oh, that's right! Closings for four days in a row. No. No. No. Nonononononono! I refuse. I have to quit before the 14th.

And you know what? To all the people who think it's just because I don't like hard work. It's not. Okay? Do you understand that fuckers? I can work hard! What do you think I'm gonna do when I get to college? Slack? No. What do you think I did all in high school? I worked my ass off on projects that were due. I know that to get anywhere in life you need to work hard. But at Home Depot, you don't work hard, you work like a fucking dog for $10 an hour, which the money is good, but it's not worth the emotional hardships. Like, I feel like I'm gonna blow my fucking brains out soon.

Like, fuck, I don't want this to turn into another Esso thing. I won't let it. Because when I was working at Esso, I was soooo messed up. That job screwed with me sooo much. I was so fucking depressed when I worked there, and it affected every single thing in my life. And I don't want that again. And I can feel it that if I stay at Home Depot, it'll come to that. And I'm sorry to everyone who thinks I'm just a quitter. Because, you know what, I am one. I quit pretty much everything. But that's part of who I am. If I don't like something I'm doing. I'm not gonna do it anymore. Life's too fucking short for me to not have fun and do what I want. And for all those people who tell me that life isn't always fun, I say, well why can't it be? Why can't I have fun with MY OWN life? I know that some of you are just concerned that these things won't look good on my resume, but who cares? I don't and it's my life, so why should you? I just want you all to just let me live my own life and let me make some mistakes on my own.

Fuck, I want my mom to tell me it's okay that this wasn't the right fit for me. That I'll find something else. I just want her to understand. I want SOMEONE to understand. Because I feel kinda lost in my life right now and I need some help, I don't need negativity and people who just want to tell me what I'm doing wrong. I want someone who can tell me how to improve and what I'm doing right. I want someone who will listen to me and won't just lecture me. I want my family and friends to not make a big deal out of this and just let me be.

But enough of me being emo.

I was gonna add something happy, but yeah, at the moment, there's nothing really fantastic to report on.

To Raphael with Love <3